New baby. Is backcountry season on hold?

My wife and I are having discussions on whether I should postpone my backcountry skiing for a few years when we have our first baby in November. Honestly, neither one of us know what the right thing to do is. IF there is a right thing to do. I want to be as responsible as I can, though, she knows this is what I love and wants me to be happy. We've talked about getting an airbag pack for that tiny bit of extra "what if" all the way down to putting up the touring equipment for awhile.

Any advice from new parents and old on how they approached this?

I have a ~13-month-old son.  I am significantly more cautious and risk averse than in the past.  Both my backcountry skiing and rock climbing time have been reduced, by something like 1/4 to 1/2 depending on the season and other factors.  But it sure seems like my parenting would suffer without the physical and emotional outlet these activities give me.

Are small children acceptable substitutes for avalanche poodles?

I am significantly more cautious and risk averse than in the past. 

I think this is inevitable once little people who are completely dependent on you come into the picture, it sure was for me.

But I shake my head at anyone willing to forgo activities that they love when life throws us changes, be it marriage, birth of a child etc. The key is to have the ability to tone down the objective based pursuits and take pleasure the mere act of getting outside and enjoy the activity in the moment. Go meadow skipping, pick lower objective hazards, become even more proficient at making risk assessment decisions. Taking a few years off will just delay the angst once you try and start up again at best, at worst make you resentful for taking away something you love to do. Besides, it's not like that kid at 2 or 3 will suddenly become less dependent or important to you.

I have two kids, 3 and 6. Tone it down but don't stop, stay in the game. Once you stop it is much harder to begin again, and for the sake of your child you need to be a skier. How else are they to learn?

Make it a point to bring the new one along. I've had some great days, but amazingly, some of the most fun I've had is ski touring mellow runs with my kids in a backpack. It's hard to explain, but once you have a child, you'll get it.

Thanks for the encouraging words everyone! I truly appreciate it and it completely makes sense to me.

Bringing the little one along with me in a backpack........intriguing.

My wife was skiing Mazama Ridge with her 6 week old grandson in a baby bjorn on her chest. Her daughter was backcountry skiing about 9 months into the pregnancy. Why stop? Be safe and cautious, yes.

Ha! My wife *did* say falling in snow is much better than falling off a skateboard or horseback riding. Snow it is!!

When ski touring with my son when he was younger I would routinely make him ski suspect avalanche slopes first.
He used to ask why he and not me, had to do this. I told him it was I was a father and had to be careful.

My 2 cents.
# I will never get used to people asking for parenting advice on a ski website.... I know its because I'm old and nasty and not used to the "sharing" mentality of you millenniums.....but  really???  

# Buying an airbag to makes yourself safer......? If you think you need to buy an airbag ... you are already skiing suspect slopes. If risk of death is not an option.... which seems to be the point of your question.... then you need to stay on slopes that have zero risk.....period.

# Give it up...NO.. you will need to escape...as much as I enjoyed being a parent and love the little shit and his mother... there where days when they needed me to go away and get some fresh air and days  when I needed to get away from the bliss that is marriage and parenting. Mental health for parents is important. All that mucus, poopy and crying ..you'll need a break .

# Skiing with your bundle of joy in a backpack..... There's a guy at Crystal who regularly skis with his infant in a pack and he's a telemarker. Makes me cringe every time I see him ski... Everybody knows telemarkers fall all the time.
If you're fixed heel that's a wee bit better but I still cringe...too many idiots on the slopes that may collide with ya. Maybe bunny slopes OK. Backcountry certainly as long as it just a plod. I used to take mine in a sled on XC skis.

# Do you know how much that sperm/egg miracle is going to cost you???? No new gear for you!

Scotsman,

The question was how others "approached" it. So, yeah, I *really* was interested. I'm not letting the forum tell me what to do. I'm letting it help with the communication of the situation. I'm not sure where I stated that buying an airbag pack is "safer." Again, it's the communication of how to approach my new life as a father with the goal of doing things I love that potentially put myself in more risk than watching tv on the couch. I hope that the initial question isn't implying that this forum is going to tell me what to do.

So far, I don't know how much it's going to cost me. I'm still living in a world that nothing is going to change.

My guess is that you will want to miss as little as possible of the development of your youngster.

I never got into the bringing the kid out for backcountry skiing. We did do crosscountry skiing and sledding etc. Which was fun, just remember they won't be aerobically moving so they are going to be a lot colder than you.

Mine is 4 now and planning on teaching him to ski via lift assist this year. Totally sucked not being able to do that regularly last year.

As for me getting out.. Well i just try and make the days that I get to count.

JNK, welcome to the most meaningful and rewarding part of your life. Cheers, man. Don't let the bogeys even cause a ripple. I cherish the memories of the first two years in the backpack (my son was an August baby) while skinning and gently lolling down easy stuff. I'll never forget my 1.5 year old son gleefully chanting "up, up, up" and then "down, down, down." The first few years out of the pack are best treated with a long view, keeping it fun on their terms, but in our meager year last winter, I had a priceless year of such precious experiences as my son, then 6, had his breakout year skiing lifts. Sure, my touring days are a tiny fraction of what they used to be and will be again later, but I am so excited for those days he and I share on the mountain together, no matter what the medium is, until he flies the coop and dusts his old man. We are truly blessed. Welcome, JNK.

There is only one thing a dedicated ski powder hound can do in such a situation as yours and that is to jettison the extra baggage that is going to turn you into one of those family guy skiers who are giving you all of their advice on how the juggling act has worked for them. Ditch the mom ditch the kid and dedicate your life to the snow, but then maybe that is too real to contemplate. There probably aren't that many hard core, extreme, on the edge, totally rad, shitbag, ski bums left to tell you what truly works for a guy in your situation who is looking for help. I guess the big question is how much money do you have to consider all the options. The less the better, if you get my drift.

I've just been through this, now with a 1 and three year old. I echo a lot of the above- You'll probably do less, more carefully, now.

But listen - There is a window right after birth where all they do is sleep and you'll have more help from relatives. Strike while the iron is hot. When they are older, they do more stuff you will want to pay attention to. So go when you can.

Haha, or there is a window right after birth when your wife and that little baby need you more than you could ever imagine. You just can't know how it's going to go. For me the first month was an immersion and bonding experience with my wife & child that I wouldn't trade for anything. The few times it did snow and my wife told me I should go skiing, I knew I was needed at home and stayed. No regrets at all, and I never thought I'd be able to say I didn't make a single turn last season.

Unless you live real close to the hills, it's not a bad idea to start thinking about interests you can cultivate close to or at home for a while. Get stoked on something you'll be able to do without leaving the family all day, it'll help keep any resentment from building if it turns out you're not able to carve out time for as many ski days as you like.

You can backcountry ski and not die or get hurt, so there's no reason not to keep it up as a family man. With any luck your kid will be into it, but if not, maybe they'll turn you on to something else. There's definitely a balance to strike in finding personal and family harmony, which is quite different for everyone.

Dawn patrols and home by noon. Only go when you know it's going to be "worth it" which is completely redefined after you have a family at home.

Remember you are raising your next ski/climbing partner......out early back by after nap time and you are good as gold............now I am taking the grand kids out. Life is good. Think Snow!

We had our first child in Jan of this year.

My wife has let me get out at least once a month to ski still. I've been injured just as much or more than normal this year (picked up mountain biking). I do think that some of my risk is lower, and some of the stuff I just don't care as much. A lot of the times, I'd rather be at home hanging with the kiddo, but there are times where getting out is a need too.

Just make sure you respect your wife, and she respects you too. If she's cool with you getting out, then go play some, if not, then you need to respect her, but also let her know that you need your outings (if you do) to stay sane and not be a bitchy daddy (I tend to get bitchy if I don't get out often).

If you're doing TAY, I would recommend getting your turns in the month of your baby, before he/she is born. So if their date on the 8th, get it 1-7th of the month, because the first 1-2 months you'll feel like this.

Ha ha. Noted!

My situation may be slightly different than yours since I am a mom (think breastfeeding). But I didn't quit skiing. I don't think you should either. But you will have to modify how you do it.  I still ski 2-3 days a week during the winter/spring but don't do big backcountry tours often.  Lift skiing can be your friend in this situation. Get creative. Two hours of mogul skiing equals exhaustion and happiness for me.  Night skiing on the lifts or after dark tour up Hyak. Oh how many times I've toured Hyak!  Taking the kid in the backpack is a great joy and a good workout. (I love to work hard  ;D)

Now my kid is 4 and has been learning to ski for a couple of years.  He loves chair lifts because they are machines. He loves the magic carpet because he can do it all by himself. He is so too heavy to take in the backpack now but sometimes I still take him anyway.

I find equal joy in making the skiing all about the kid vs all about me.

www.turns-all-year.com/skiing_snowboardi...ex.php?topic=31708.0

Sounds like this is more of a risk issue than a time management issue (or so you think!).  My first question is what difference will a couple years make in that regard?   Other than they'll now be able to say "Daddy don't go I miss you!". 

Lots and lots of dads give it up no doubt.  Give it all up.   And you'll see them at dinner parties or social gathering (though boy those diminish with time too!)  and they might act very concerned about whatever it is you're still doing.  Open the windows, get the man some fresh air!  Though later you'll learn that their wife told your wife that they're depressed or anxious on this med or that.  Or maybe boy they are sucking down those drinks!

Then lots of dads also die out there.   And if you need to climb Shishapangma or maybe onsite the Coleman Headwall on a cold low visibility day or be the first one with your posse  through the backcountry gate after a 16" dump or climb the North Face during a warming trend immediately after a big late season snowfall well you might die too.

Maybe possibly there's a middle ground where backcountry skiing is not the inherently dice-rolling dangerous thing so many people (including backcountry skiers) now view it as.    Maybe you can foster strong partnerships, get out when conditions are acceptable, ski appropriate terrain you're familar with, learn to listen to your own judgement (the hard part).  Maybe, maybe thats possible.  Maybe.

My favorite story about dad-risk was mountain biking (of which I am a noob) in the Methow with a group of dads who had pretty much given up the climbing and skiing.  After rocketing down 5 or so miles of steep loose singletrack that asked me what I thought.  All I could say is they were kidding themselves if they thought they were leading a more risk adverse lifestyle.

Oh and I bought the airbag thinking safety (actually my thought process was I had the cash to blow and if I ever do end up dieing at the bottom of a pile of avalanche rubble I don't want my last thought to be "Your such an asshole why didn't you spend the cash.")    All an airbag backpack does other than slow you down is make you realize how in a vast majority of situations the terrain would shred you regardless.

Time is a different story and every relationship will vary in what you get.   My personal time diminished significantly and has picked back up years later but the kids are of an age now where I struggle between investing my time in the wilderness with or without them.  One of the better struggles I got!   Parenting is massively challenging but also massively rewarding for BOTH parents.   Your wife can take care the kids all day without you having to feel guilty about it now and then.  Get some!

Sounds like this is more of a risk issue than a time management issue (or so you think!).  My first question is what difference will a couple years make in that regard?   Other than they'll now be able to say "Daddy don't go I miss you!". 

Lots and lots of dads give it up no doubt.  Give it all up.   And you'll see them at dinner parties or social gathering (though boy those diminish with time too!)  and they might act very concerned about whatever it is you're still doing.  Open the windows, get the man some fresh air!  Though later you'll learn that their wife told your wife that they're depressed or anxious on this med or that.  Or maybe boy they are sucking down those drinks!

Then lots of dads also die out there.   And if you need to climb Shishapangma or maybe onsite the Coleman Headwall on a cold low visibility day or be the first one with your posse  through the backcountry gate after a 16" dump or climb the North Face during a warming trend immediately after a big late season snowfall well you might die too.

Maybe possibly there's a middle ground where backcountry skiing is not the inherently dice-rolling dangerous thing so many people (including backcountry skiers) now view it as.    Maybe you can foster strong partnerships, get out when conditions are acceptable, ski appropriate terrain you're familar with, learn to listen to your own judgement (the hard part).  Maybe, maybe thats possible.  Maybe.

My favorite story about dad-risk was mountain biking (of which I am a noob) in the Methow with a group of dads who had pretty much given up the climbing and skiing.  After rocketing down 5 or so miles of steep loose singletrack that asked me what I thought.  All I could say is they were kidding themselves if they thought they were leading a more risk adverse lifestyle.

Oh and I bought the airbag thinking safety (actually my thought process was I had the cash to blow and if I ever do end up dieing at the bottom of a pile of avalanche rubble I don't want my last thought to be "Your such an asshole why didn't you spend the cash.")    All an airbag backpack does other than slow you down is make you realize how in a vast majority of situations the terrain would shred you regardless.

Time is a different story and every relationship will vary in what you get.   My personal time diminished significantly and has picked back up years later but the kids are of an age now where I struggle between investing my time in the wilderness with or without them.  One of the better struggles I got!   Parenting is massively challenging but also massively rewarding for BOTH parents.   Your wife can take care the kids all day without you having to feel guilty about it now and then.  Get some!

. Omg the mountain biking risk assessment I agree with you completely. Even just if you are fooling yourself in to thinking that you are not downhilling. Every sport like this has progression whether we admit it or not. My go to mitigation phrase is that I am the one in control. Maybe I am or maybe not. In full disclosure I have been known to tuck down behind the three-wheeled stroller at 20mph on inline skates while my <1- year-old now >1-year-old, either slumbers on or creaks and squeaks in delight with the wind in his face and his ever increasing ability to bang his feet on the footrest, has no idea of the risks we are taking.

Btw. I wish I could post to you a photo of him right now. He has gone to sleep in the living room with his butt up in the air and his head cranked over to one side. You have so much fun in store for you.

I buddy of mine was once a very hard core class 5+ whitewater paddler -- stuff like Ernie's Canyon

While his wife was pregnant , his thinking was, I'm still going to boat the gnar, I'm always careful.

Well the baby came and much to his suprise his desire to run gnarly white water simply evaporated.

He was suprised by this, but not unhappy -- he was enjoying being with his son so much that he didn't think about it that much. When his son grew older he did more boating, but not the really hard core stuff.

When his son was eleven -- his long applied for private Grand Canyon permit finally came through and we enjoyed that trip tremendiously -- the biggest fun was watching the kid paddling his kayak through some of the easier rapids -- watching them both -- I don't know whose smile was bigger -- the son's or the dad's.

So I think you'll need to feel it out and take it one step at time, one day at a time -- skiing can continue -- but you should be open to the possibility that watching your kid grow will be as much or more compelling.

May you be blessed with a healthy baby and wife -- nothing else really will matter if you don't have that.

We have a 15th month old. My backcountry skiing (and climbing) has certainly changed but by no means stopped. As others have said, I think free time and desire to spend said time with the kid has as much to do with this as risk. I'd become quite risk adverse the last couple of years anyways after witnessing some climbing equipment failures that could have been much worse then they were.

I've never been much of a steep skier and the last couple of years I've sought out safe lower angle tours that still have a good amount of vert and good views...true meadow skips with an occasional easy summit thrown in. (Some of you may remember I wrote hillmap.com which has slope angle overlays that are really useful for identifying this sort of thing).

It also helps to live ta 4000 ft in western Montana where, in a good snow year like two winters ago, I decent tour can be had minutes from the house. I find it is a lot easier to justify taking a few hours or half a day to ski and hike while still having plenty of time to hang with the kiddo then a whole day with 4+ hours of driving. We even did some short dawn patrols with my pregnant wife on snowshoes and me on skis as she didn't feel up to skiing.

Similarly its a lot easier to find time for a quick bouldering circuit then a day of rope climbing or for a trail run then a full day summit attempt.

I think it is really important to have some athletic activities you can do close to home during nap time etc to stay in shape so that when you do get a half day opportunity when the conditions and timing align you have the fitness to make the most of it. We built a climbing wall in our garage and try to get out for short runs and bike rides etc.

I'm also really looking forward to introducing our daughter to the mountains in summer and winter. She's never been one to hang out in a pack as even as a tiny baby she was super engaged and always wanted to be out, moving around and exploring on hikes. We have a blast in the woods but never managed to pull off any of the big trips some people manage to do with a kid in a pack.

I think we'll probably try some sledding trips this year possibly with a chance for parents to take turns making some mellow turns and maybe see if the kid enjoys being towed in a bike trailer with skis on it. Lots of hot coco and proximity to forest service warming huts will be part of it. I remember many great days at hurricane ridge on cross country skis and sleds as a kid.

We're also looking into acquiring a van with a propane furnace so we can have a warm hangout/nap spot to enable 4 season adventures. I have dreams of doing lots of spring skiing/adventuring out of high elevation highway passes with a van basecamp as the kiddo gets old enough to enjoy such things.

dberdinka hit the nail pretty much on the head.

Backcountry skiing doesn't have to be death defying. I just looks that way in the media. Ignore the media.

The only thing I'll add is to be careful when your kid gets old enough to accompany you (typically when they become a teenager).

I've taken my son on a few outings I regret because I felt I led us into a potentially dangerous situation. You can get so enthusiastic about being in the mountains with your special partner that you project onto them a perception of competence and/or experience that isn't justified.

I've talked to my son about these instances and how badly I felt afterward, and he forgave me ages ago. But I don't forget.

Lowell, interesting thoughts about when they reach that age. Mine are approaching it fast. It will be something to look out for.

When they are just little grubs though I would echo the person who mentioned dawn patrols. If you have access to a run you can put in somewhere and get a quick 1-2k excercise climb in just as dawn breaks you can often get home just as the family is waking up. It hardly counts against you and can keep you in shape for the occasional longer tour you can get in.

The first couple years of parenthood can be a bit of a whirlwind and getting out on silent climb up a moonlit slope by yourself is a great way to reflect on it all and put it in some perspective. There is something magic about knowing no one will likely sneak up behind you and ask you for something while you are up there which is a feeling you probably won't find at home for a few years.

I have a ~13-month-old son.  I am significantly more cautious and risk averse than in the past.  Both my backcountry skiing and rock climbing time have been reduced, by something like 1/4 to 1/2 depending on the season and other factors.  But it sure seems like my parenting would suffer without the physical and emotional outlet these activities give me.

rigjt on sky! Just saw this, congrats, you'll make a great father to your new son as soon as he learns to ski😃

Plenty of good parenting advice, don't need any more from me. I will add to the "keep skiing bro" chant. Get the kids skiing (sliding on snow) as soon as you can. I got luck and have one of these: